Real Talk

Real Talk// Singleness

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I shared a meme on facebook the other day about being single because I’m a superhero. It made me laugh, but then I began thinking about singleness.

Why am I still single? I’ve been asked that question plenty of times. The tone of that question implies that I don’t measure up based on my relationship status. My initial reaction to that question is pure frustration. I had the hardest time with turning 30 and being single. Not only do I have to push back against societal standards of my age, now I have to push back against friends’ and family’s expectations. Please stop asking your single friends or family members why they are still single. Even though I know it’s not meant that way, it feels like I’m not accepted because I’m still single.

Once I move past the initial frustration, I can be a little more introspective.

Why am I still single?

The simple answer is that I haven’t found the right person.

While that’s completely true, there’s way more to it than that. Y’all, I suck at relationships. I’ve dated some great guys, and I’ve dated some not so great guys. Even the great guys weren’t great for me. My picker is broken.

I’ve been in relationship after relationship that left me empty and broken. I was chasing after love and gave everything away to try to secure that love in my life. I was left with tarnished credit, a pile of debt, feelings of inadequacy, a used body, and a broken heart.

The definition of insanity is continuing to do the same things and expecting different results. Y’all, I continued pursuing love in the same way expecting to find this great guy to spend the rest of my life with. Instead, my heart became more and more broken, my body more and more used, and my debt larger and larger. I forgot who I was and whose I was.

Y’all, I was searching for love that couldn’t be found in another person. I was searching for healing that couldn’t come from another person.

I couldn’t continue doing things the same way and expect a change. If I wanted true love and healing, I had to go to the source of love and healing. Y’all, I remembered who I am and whose I am. I am a child of the most high God who loves unconditionally and was waiting to heal my brokenness. And so are you.

Why am I still single?

Because I realize that I can’t have a great relationship apart from God. I’ve done things my way, and I have been left broken and empty. This time, I’m doing it God’s way.

I’m single because I’m waiting on God. I would rather be single than be in a mediocre relationship. God has something incredible for me, if I’m willing to wait on Him. He has something incredible for you too, if you are willing to wait on Him.

❤ Bekah

Real Talk

Real Talk // I’m 1 in 10

Y’all. This is going to be one of the hardest posts I’ve ever written to publish. I’m going to be very vulnerable and share part of my story with you. I write this hoping it brings awareness and also encouragement and support to those who have shared a similar experience. Here goes:

I am 1 in 10.

Did you know that 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before age 18?

At age 11, I was sexually abused by a family member. I am 1 in 10.

Experiencing sexual abuse, especially as a child, changes you. You feel ashamed and utterly alone. I thought it was my fault, and I didn’t want anyone to know. I buried that as deep as I could, and I tried to forget it.

A couple years later, my mom had a conversation with me on what I should do if someone tried to touch me inappropriately. You think that I would have opened up to her right then and there, right? Wrong. I struggled with that shame for 7 long years.

Finally, at 18, I spoke up. I read an article about a girl who had been sexually abused by a family member, and I began sobbing. I started to realize that I was not alone. I started to realize that it was never my fault. I finally told my parents. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders; I no longer had to carry that secret around.

I just want to tell you right now- If you have been sexually abused, it is not your fault. Did you hear me? It is NOT your fault. Do not keep that buried inside. Let that shame go. It is NOT your fault.

Being sexually abused changes you- mentally and emotionally. And although you may be able to sympathize, you really won’t understand how much it changes you unless you’ve experienced it yourself. If you’re reading this and you don’t feel like anyone will understand, feel free to message me: Bekahnomics@gmail[dot]com .

I feel like recovering from an experience like this is a process. There were so many false beliefs in my head that I had written on my heart that had to be corrected. It’s a process.

The devil uses experiences like this to feed lies to us; he wants us isolated and ashamed. He wants us to feel so alone and at fault. John 10:10 tell us “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” He comes to steal our joy, our happiness, our lives. He wants to destroy us by whatever means possible.

If you continue reading the rest of the verse, Jesus says “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Y’all. There is healing from sexual abuse. There is joy and happiness and a full life.

I’m going to be writing another post about the aftermath of sexual abuse, and what this process of walking through healing has looked like for me. I’ll cross link both posts.

Please reach out to someone if you’re keeping that buried inside. There is life and joy and happiness.

❤ Bekah

Real Talk

Real Talk// Pursue your Happy

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I shared a little last week about how I was running on fumes: exhausted, burnt out, and apathetic.

There are only a few times I’ve ever been apathetic in life: when I was either feeling burnt out or my self esteem was in the toilets, or maybe a little of both.

I realize now that I was so concerned with busting my butt to make my business successful that I forgot to take care of me and what was good for my heart.

The other day, I downloaded a karaoke app on my phone and spent hours just singing along to songs on my phone. I forgot how much joy singing brings to me. Y’all, my heart was so full.

You’ve been given passions for a reason. Do more of what brings you joy every day. ❤️ if you’re at a point of exhaustion and burn out, go pursue those things that inspire you and make you feel passionate again.

❤ Bekah

Real Talk

Real Talk// Turning 30

In exactly 19 days, I turn 30.

I’m gonna be real transparent with y’all. I have literally been dreading turning 30. It’s literally this ever approaching reminder that I don’t have my life together all wrapped up in this pretty little package.

There’s so much pressure to either be established in a career or be raising a family at 30. As I turn 30, I will have neither of those things. I decided to go back to school at 27 to get my cosmetology degree. I decided a couple months ago to uproot and move to a brand new place and start all over in my career. I am single, and I have no kids to raise.

If I linger too long listening to these societal norms of who and where I should be in life- I begin to feel insufficient, less than, or that I’ll never measure up. Then, I begin operating in fear- mostly fear of the unknown.

I begin playing the what if game. What if I never make it as a hairstylist here in Ohio? What if I sacrificed everything I built for nothing? What if I never get married? What if I never have children? These are all desires of my heart, and what if none of this happens for me?

This song speaks true. Fear will steal your joy if you let it, but fear is a liar.

This life is a journey, and it was never meant to be all wrapped up in a pretty package. Life is messy, but there’s beauty in the journey. Don’t let fear steal your joy. You are enough. You have always been enough. You are right where you are supposed to be. You are one day closer to those goals today than you were yesterday.

Don’t give up, and don’t give in to the fear of the unknown. You are worth more than you could imagine. You are right where you are supposed to be.

Alright 30, let’s do this!

❤ Bekah

Real Talk

Real Talk// The Hustle

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If we’re facebook friends, chances are you’ve seen me post a lot of quotes about hustling.

: “Hustle until you no longer have to introduce yourself.”
: “Stay humble. Hustle hard.”
: “In the end, they will call you a lot of things. Just make sure hustler is one of them.”
: “Good things come to those who wait work their asses off and never give up.”
: “The dream is free. The hustle is sold separately.”

And I could go on and on. The hustle has been my focus. “Eyes on the prize”, right? When I decided to go to beauty school, I knew it was going to take a lot of hard work to build a clientele and to make money. You are looking at a minimum of 3-5 years to build a steady clientele if you bust your butt for it. I knew it was going to take hustle. I knew it was going to take time, but I also knew it was going to be worth it. I was willing to sacrifice a lot to be successful in this industry.

I worked really, really hard- both in beauty school and in the industry thus far. I’ve been able to do a lot of things that most newer stylists haven’t even had the opportunity to do. And I’m proud of myself for that.

Yet, here I sit, in another state about to begin the building process again and reflecting on everything so far.

Y’all, I was exhausted and burnt out, and I didn’t even realize it. I was working a full time job in fast food that I hated and working 3 days a week doing hair in the studio. I was walking around like a zombie. I was feeling uninspired and trapped in a job I hated because the bills still had to be paid. I was still pushing through and “hustling”, but at what cost? I had already been in one car accident because of exhaustion.

There’s nothing wrong with working hard and achieving goals, but our focus has to be on the right things. My hustle became about being a successful hairstylist, and I was burnt out. I’ve had to shift my focus. My hustle is actually about making sure every person that leaves my chair feels beautiful and empowered, and there, I find my purpose.

What are you hustling for?

❤ Bekah

Faith, God moments, Real Talk

Real Talk // Why Move to Ohio

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I never in a million years planned to move to Ohio. I was content to be right where I was working to build my clientele and try to better my own life. Michigan was the place for me, and things were beginning to pick up at the studio.

I was missing my dad, and I decided to visit my parents in Cleveland. We were driving around the town of Hudson, and I distinctly heard God’s voice: “You need to move here.” Oh okay- let me get right on that.

Y’all, I wrestled with this. Like really wrestled with it…

First of all, moving to Ohio would mean moving back in with my parents. I hadn’t lived with my parents since I was 21. That would be a major adjustment for me, and I just wasn’t sure I wanted to do that again.

Then, there’s the fact that my parents have moved a lot recently. In the last several years, they’ve moved to Alabama, Virginia, Columbus, and now Cleveland. Like, what’s to stop them from moving again in another year or two? I really had to sit down and have a heart to heart with them. I didn’t want to uproot everything, just to be in the same situation a year from now if they decided to move.

Then, I started questioning, “God, was that really you? Did I really hear your voice calling me to this?”

And then, there was more questioning, “God, why would you lead me to move to a place where I know no one? I’ve worked so hard to build the clientele I have. Why would you ask me to move? That’s gonna be too hard. I’d be starting over completely in a place where I literally know no one except my parents. How could you want that for me? I thought you wanted me behind the chair here.”

But you know what? I think my biggest concern was leaving my clientele behind and giving up my dream I had in Michigan. I wanted my own studio badly. I built connections with my clients and most became friends. Who would do their hair if I wasn’t there? I didn’t want to disappoint them. I didn’t want to disappoint the girl who was so gracious to share her suite with me.

Y’all, I’m talking major wrestling, but I still felt like I was being led to Ohio. And then, it happened again. I was sitting in church that next weekend and heard God’s voice even more clearly: “Sacrifice what you have built, and I’ll show you what I can build.”

Well, dang. How can you argue with that?

So here I am in Ohio.

❤ Bekah

Real Talk, Uncategorized

Moving is stressful!

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Man, oh, man! I forgot how stressful moving is! I haven’t accumulated a lot of stuff in the last several years, but it’s still stressing me out trying not to leave anything behind. I’ll have driven back and forth between Detroit and Cleveland three times in an 8 day span. I start my new job in Ohio today, but I’ll be headed back to Michigan early Saturday morning for clients.

Any tips for relieving the stress of the back and forth life?

-Bekah